Boy meets girl… Boy thinks girl is wonderful, and pretty, and smells nice. He asks her on a date…. For this coming Saturday night, perhaps? When she accepts, he is over the moon. He plans an evening that begins with dinner at the nicest restaurant in town and ends with a leisurely stroll in the park.
When Saturday night comes, Boy puts on a nice shirt, shaves, and pats on some cologne. He arrives to pick his date up a few minutes early, and whisks her off for a romantic evening. He makes sure to open doors for her, he pulls her chair out for her, and he is careful to use his best manners at all times.
Ah, dating is wonderful, isn’t it? The butterflies you get when you meet someone new…The anticipation of that first kiss… The feeling of euphoria when the one you admire asks you on a second date…Getting to know one another over quiet dinners and long phone conversations…
That isn’t quite how it goes anymore, is it?
No, the story of dating has undeniably changed. Now, young singles find one another on hookup apps, meet in a bar, and wake up next to each other the next morning. First kiss? They probably don’t remember it. Wait, what was his name, even?
Some guys and gals actually prefer using a hookup application like Tinder to schedule back to back meetings (I hesitate to call them dates)with multiple people in the same night. Bartenders all over the country see it happen every Friday and Saturday night. A girl comes in, sits at the bar, and waits for her first victim…er… date. It only takes a few minutes for her to decide he isn’t Mr. Right Now, so she fakes an emergency and pretends to head home. After a few minutes, she appears again to wait for the next guy. Lather, rinse, repeat…Until she likes a guy enough to go home with him, or strikes out altogether and gives up for the night.
In the age of all things internet, we have become an instant gratification society. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the world of speed dating. Young singles prefer to use hookup services like Tinder, or social networking sites like OkCupid, Facebook, and Twitter to meet potential mates. Gone are the days of a shy phone call asking a girl on a date…Now people prefer to send a quick text message,
Wanna hang out 2nite?
In today’s hookup culture, people are quick to jump into bed with one another and reluctant to form real relationships. Dating has, it seems, been turned completely on its head…In fact, I don’t know if you can even call it dating anymore.
What happened to all of the wonderful little things that made dating so exciting and special? Is there really no place for a slightly old-school approach to meeting and, dare I say, courting potential mates?
What does this say for the future of relationships?
Maybe we should all agree that all of this physical activity without emotional attachment is a bad idea. It just might be a good thing to slow everything down a little and do things the old fashioned way. Put the horse back in front of the cart, so to speak.
For starters, we should all agree that apps like Tinder have no place in the dating world. If you’re simply looking for a casual hookup, that’s probably a great tool…if you’re being safe. If you really want to build a relationship, though, perhaps try a matchmaking website instead. Hey, even Cupid needs a little help sometimes.
Now that you’re actively searching for that special someone, take care to only contact those that you think you will have a genuine interest in. I don’t care how hot you think she is, if you have nothing in common your relationship will be extremely short-lived…Move on to the next profile.
When you find a person you think you’d like to meet face to face, let them know by either calling (if you have a phone number) or sending a message on the dating site. Do NOT text, and (if you’re sending a message) do not use text language. Proper spelling and grammar still count for something, you know.
Once your love interest has accepted your invitation, you’ll have some planning to do. Find out what kind of food she likes if you’re going to have dinner, and make sure she doesn’t have any food allergies. You don’t want to take her to a seafood place if she’s allergic to shellfish, obviously.
Plan a date that will allow you to be yourself and have fun. Look for something that will allow for conversation, because old-school dating is all about getting to know one another.
When it’s time for the big event, be sure to look and smell nice, arrive on time, and be polite. Ask lots of questions and really listen to her answers. Turn your phone off or at least on silent, and leave it in your pocket. Don’t get it out unless you want to show her a super cute picture of your dog. Be ready for a little bit of discomfort and maybe a few awkward situations.
At the end of the night, go your separate ways. A goodnight kiss is fine if you’re both into it, but go no further. Jumping into physical intimacy too quickly is part of what is destroying dating these days, so don’t make that mistake.
Seriously. Go home. Alone.
Take a day to think about the date. If things went well and you feel an attraction to her, call and invite her to go out again. Continue to go on dates and learn more about this person until you either get bored OR you think you cannot live without her.
At this point, you can initiate the committed relationship phase. Congratulations, you have successfully avoided the cesspool of casual hookups in favor of a real connection. Good job, and keep it up! Encourage your friends to follow suit…Who knows, you may just start an old-school dating revolution.
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