Essential Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

before-getting-marriedNo matter how you want to look at it, marriage is a big thing in your life.  For a lot of people, they think that they can simply figure a lot of it out as they go, but this is why divorce rates are so high.  If you are looking to make the most out of your relationship with someone, here are essential questions that you need to ask before getting married, whether you want to ask them early on in the relationship or later on.

  1. How do you solve conflicts?

You want to guarantee that your partner is going to communicate openly with you when something comes up between you.  This means that you really need to know how it is they actually, you know handle conflict.  Do they handle it at all, or do they just throw plates at your head?  It’s something to figure out now.

 

  1. Do you want children?

Definitely a hard question to ask, but it needs to be done.  Being on the same page is definitely essential.  If you are on opposite sides of it, you may have to face the fact that you aren’t compatible, which is hard to face.  Make sure that both people are consulted as far as what will happen if there are children in the future: parental roles, responsibilities, etc.

 

  1. Does the fact that I have exes bother you?

Our past relationships definitely impact our present ones, so it’s important that each person talk about their past openly with the other one, and work through the problems of each one.  If there are issues in the future, your partner may respond to them differently than you expect due to a past relationship with similar circumstances.  Knowledge is power in this kind of situation for sure.

 

  1. How are we going to celebrate holidays?

Whether it’s differences in religion or opinions on the holidays in general, it’s essential to talk about how you want to celebrate the holidays together.  You’ll have to find compromises or talk out all of your opinions and beliefs so that you can find a way to enjoy them together without anyone stomping out mad or hiding in the bathroom for 10 hours.

 

  1. How will we handle if you have debt before getting married?

The reality of the situation is that you’re both going to come to the relationship with debt.  Get out all of the ugly details and numbers so that you can both see where exactly the other person is, and how to deal with it.

 

  1. What is your maximum with money?

Odds are that you will both have different spending habits when it comes to the things that you love spending big on.  Make sure you know what each other’s strengths and weaknesses are so that you can always handle the money situation in a constructive manner.  Basically, stop her from buying yet another pair of shoes, and ladies, you need to convince him that he doesn’t need that $5 000 watch.

 

  1. Are you okay when I do things on my own?

This is a big issue.  You need to make sure that your partner is not so possessive that you cannot do things on your own, as this is part of having a healthy and developed, adult relationship.  If you do everything together it will eventually totally suffocate both people and the relationship will sour.  Having separate lives is critical.

 

  1. Do you like my family?

While many people find they have to hide their true opinions on their in-laws, try your best to speak freely about them with your partner.  Your partner should at least like your family, right?  If not, you may have bigger fish to fry.  You marry one’s family, after all, not just the person him/herself.

 

  1. How will our bedroom life be like?

A sticky but important question.  Make sure that you talk about what your life is going to be like in the bedroom, as general health condition is essential on your own as well as with a partner.  You need to look at the same things with the right attitude in order to keep the relationship healthy.  This means you can talk about spicing things up every once in a while, too, which can add a new level of excitement to the relationship.

 

  1. How will we act with other people we are attracted to?

Attraction to other people is natural, but acting on it is very different for each couple.  You need to establish what the rules are as far as following flirting or outward attempts at chasing someone.  Some couples are very liberal in this, while others are very, very tight.  Make sure you know where the other person stands and respect it.

 

  1. How will you show me you love me?

There are many different wants to show your love for someone.  Understand when the other person is doing something because they love you: making you take a morning off, going grocery shopping alone, giving you a holiday ticket, etc.  These are all ways and they should be cherished.

 

  1. What about me annoys you?

Knowing what frustrates your partner about you is as important about knowing what they love about you.  Make sure you talk about all of these things regularly so that they don’t fester and become something that gets in the way of a good and healthy marriage.

 

  1. Where do you see us in 10 years?

Different people have different plans for a relationship, so talk about a ten year plan at least once or twice before getting married.  You need to be heading in the same general direction so that you are ready to possibly take on whatever comes up with the strength of two people.  If not, you’ll be always holding each other back.

This series of questions should help you make sure that you are on the same path in life and committed marriage.

 

References: www.oprah.com www.nytimes.com