We met on dating site, and on paper he seemed like a nice enough guy. Clean cut, working as a paralegal in a respected law firm until he could impress them enough to advance… Drove a nice, but not over the top car. He mentioned during our first phone call that he had a dog, was an only child, and was close to his mom.
Ladies, let this be a lesson to you. A guy that loves his mom is awesome, but if he says he’s close to her you might want to ask…just how close?
We had both been dying to try this Mexican restaurant that recently opened, so that’s how we planned to start our evening. Margaritas and dinner with a cute new guy? Yes please!
I chose a slightly fitted red dress, a little low cut but not inappropriate, with a jean jacket and a pair of sandals to show off my pedicure. I styled my hair into a slightly messy pile on top of my head, and applied my makeup in a “me, but better” way.
“If this doesn’t impress him”, I thought, “nothing will!”
We managed to both get to the restaurant a little early, and we were taken to a nice little table for two next to a window overlooking the park. Margaritas flowed freely, as did the conversation, and I found myself feeling very relaxed and impressed with this new guy.
He was in the middle of telling me the story of his Fraternity’s talent show act sophomore year, and just as he got to the part about being shoved on stage in a baby-blue dress he looked over my shoulder and said, “Well this is a surprise!”
I turned to see a fairly attractive woman, probably in her sixties, weaving through the tables toward us. She smiled and raised her arms as my date stood and hugged her. “Fancy seeing you here”, he said, “are you meeting friends?”
She shook her head and explained that she was terribly bored with being at home alone, so she decided to try a new place for dinner.
“Well, I can’t just let my mom have dinner by herself! You’ll have to sit with us.” He glanced my way and shrugged. “Do you mind?”
Suddenly, it occurred to his mother (his mother?!) that someone else was sitting with her son. Her head slowly turned and the smile evaporated from her face as she seemed to notice me for the first time. With a scowl, she turned back to her son and asked, “Who’s your friend?”
“My date, mom. We were actually just getting to know one another…” Introductions were never made, because she had wandered off to procure a chair. Never mind that there was no room for an extra chair at our table.
She finally sat, and basically turned her back to me so she could properly converse with her son. They discussed work, her friends, his friends, and how her Zumba class was going while I quietly sipped my margarita. When the waiter came by, he was so focused on writing down her detailed order that I actually had to call him back to the table to order my food. Had I not been eyeing the arroz con pollo for the last hour, I probably would have headed home. Still, I thought there may be hope.
Having used my voice to summon the waiter’s attention, I also must have reminded the mother that I was there. She turned and gave me a long up and down look, then turned to her son and asked where we met.
“It wasn’t that awful internet thing again, was it? Oh honey, I’ve told you before that you won’t find a good, marriage material woman on that thing.” She waved a hand in my direction and continued, “No, you just end up with…girls…like this. Who wears a hooker red dress on a first date?! And so low cut! You’d think these girls could at least run a brush through their hair before leaving the house… And this makeup! How do you even know what she looks like under that mess?”
There was more, but I couldn’t tell you what else was said. She was still ranting about me as I quietly slid my chair out from the table and made my way out of the restaurant.
I went back a week later, with a different guy (obviously), and the arroz con pollo was delicious.
That’s probably because the new guy’s mother lived in a different state.
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